After a rough night i have finally decided to let it all go. Let go of the insecurity of not being a perfect mother. Society often looks at mothers as the go-to people. But, what happens when the go-to people need a mental break? For many years i have coped with mental health and i am sharing my story with you.I became a mom in 2014 to a handsome blonde hair, blue eyed baby boy. He was so perfect my heart could just burst. I though "Yes, finally i am filled with joy and so my anxiety wont return!" Boy, was i WRONG.
I decided to write this blog post after an anxiety attack that came from absolutely nowhere. my anxiety developed when i was 18 years old and i am now 27. I know many people will say anxiety is nothing.... is it nothing when you black out and cant breath? is it nothing when you feel like your heart could burst out of your chest? Yeah, totally not a big deal. A little history on why i developed this condition goes way back into a nasty relationship that i hate talking about. I was young and thought i knew EVERYTHING! I flew the coop against my mothers wishes and went to live with someone i thought i was "in love" with. Long story short it ended and my world crumbled. I felt weak, dependent and so lost. After returning home i struggled for over a year with even getting into a car and driving 5 minutes away from my house without breathing heavy. It was the scariest time in my life because the uncertainty of my health and mentality were of concern. I couldn't sleep or eat and at that point i had lost a whopping 50+ pounds. Jeannie at a size 0 was not cute!
Now, i didn't want to write this to allow someone with anxiety to read and feel worse. I promise this story gets better...much better. Later down the road i blossomed and i made myself do things that were out of my comfort zone. Not only did that help me conquer certain circumstances that triggered my anxiety, but it also presented so many opportunities in my life for growth in my career, relationships and so much more. I dug deep into trusting God. I would close my eyes went i felt nervous and tell myself to just pray and trust that God has your back. Knowing that there was someone there for me even when i felt alone reduced the panic level.
I want to encourage you even if your not a mother. Your not alone..EVER. there are so many of us mothers who think we have to be perfect. And you really don't. Like lets be real i'm typing this when i should be cleaning bottles, i have a huge bowl of cereal in front of me and i just got a shower for the first time today and its 9 p.m. Who are we kidding? We are only human.
If you are struggling with anxiety i want to also offer you a few words of advice:
1. Find out what triggers your attacks. When you do find out what the issues are, go ahead and slowly challenge yourself to do those things!
2. Write in a journal your goals for your life. Stick to it one by one.
3. Read a few self help books! Knowledge is power and the more you know about your condition the better you may feel.
4.If you are a mother and your struggling with anxiety while caring for the kids. Put the kids in a SAFE PLACE, turn on the music loud enough to block the thoughts in your head AND DANCE YOUR A$$ off! Not only are you accomplishing a little work out but, your distracting yourself form the thoughts that were brewing an attack!
I really want to stress that your not alone. I promise this season in your life will change you for the better if you let it. I am now a mother to two amazing little boys and yes i still struggle, but i'm progressing. And you can to. Believe in yourself because you are so much more powerful than you know!
xox,
Jeannie
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